are you an idiot?

we’ve watched this show before. girl in room, unsure why the relationships in her life are not working out. what she’s missing, or what she isn’t saying.

she leaves home every morning, hoping she doesn’t get dragged into another senseless conversation about how hot the weather has been recently, or how that celebrity did that at that award show.

she wakes up switching through four different apps, being exposed to a list of bad news, of why the world was falling apart while she was sleeping without worry. so the next day she decides to sleep a little later, maybe just to keep a watch on the world. if she slept a little past her bed time maybe things won’t be so bad next morning.

two weeks later, she’s up at 1 am. she’s staring at the ceiling, wondering if she had that coffee too late in the day or was it the over exhaustion that isn’t allowing her to sleep.

girl in room, decorates her walls with a mountain of books she promises to read but when it comes to it, she has already found a new hobby. it’s painting one moment. when she realizes she isn’t as good as bob ross, and that her acrylic is drying way faster than those on youtube, she discards it away.

then she buys a drawing book to scribble in. but the lines are too repeated too often. the texture isn’t right, the shadows aren’t working. it’s a joke.

discard.

she found air dry clay this one time. when she started making a little trinket and realized it’s not as fun as pottery and doesn’t require just as much water, it bored her out of her mind. and she had to paint it after it dried?

drag.

girl in her room craves human connection but ducks the first moment someone creeps over to have a conversation.

girl in her room notices the subtle sneer on that guy’s face when he asks how she did on that test. is he stupid? aren’t we all here to work hard and make something out our lives?

she pretends to like to cook. but she’s just hungry all the time and nobody asks what she’d like to have. she picks up the keyboard wanting to haul it across the room. but she bought it. she replaced the funky one with the jammed keys.

the ceiling used to be white with intricate details carved on it. it had an overhead fan which turned and turned and turned. did it not get tired? she switched it off sometimes even in the mid summer heat. it must be tired and not know it . what a stupid little thing tiring itself to no end.

this one time in third grade, she remembers reading along in class. a silly little story about a man trying to escape prison not knowing it was on an island. beautiful prose. when he finally escapes through the tiny little window in his cell, he’s found himself in a new prison. this time without food or water, or a bed to sleep in. should have stayed in his room. she remembers thinking to herself what an idiot that man was.

she then got distracted by few higher class students playing in the field. she looked out the window of her classroom on the fifth floor, the image broken by the window bars. she should’ve been out there instead.

girl in room hates being approached so she keeps a stoic face, too conscious of her actions. her friends inadvertently break her character. now she looks like a broken cassette. when someone looks at her with shock after seeing how loud her laugh is, she wants to ask them just one question. “are you an idiot?”

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